The Hammer

Yo. So there I was surrounded by trolls. I turn to the Mayhnohtawr and I'm all like "Woah man, this sucks!"He looks to me and says "Indeed" in his faggy brit talk. Meanwhile, the trolls come up to us(at this point, there's a shit-ton of em') and say "Allright you Directorate trash, you're coming with us to the great troll city of.......AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" While they're talking, I decide to use my combat skills to wreak havoc on their frontlines. Just because I'm surrounded doesn't mean I'm done fighting. So I'm letting them have it. I'm pretty sure at on point, I beat a 16 year old troll soldier with the spine of the 84 year old troll soldier next to him. Seriously, I was doing things so horrific that the Mayhnohtawr was vomitting for three weeks after this. I impaled five trolls with a troll. Things were getting ridiculous. I mean, I knew trolls were easy to kill, but come on. This explains all the underground dwelling and the trap setting. These things can barely defend themselves. Things only things they got going for them is that there are so god damn many of them. I mean it. If I killed like 1, another 5 seem to appear. I got extremely tired. I looked to the Mayhnohtawr and gave him one of those "Bitch! What the fuck were you doing?" stares. The Mayhnohtawr just sat there with a defeated look on his face as the remaining trolls stood there taunting him. "Yo bitch! You aint got nothin on dis. Das why the rest of you bull fucking shitdicks got iced by us." one charming troll said. Another yelled out "Kill the last of the Minotaurs!!!" "Yeah!!! Kill the miserable bastard!!!" one man said. And seeing that I was the only man there, I'm just going to go ahead and tell you it was me. I couldn't help it. It slipped. Eitherway, everyone else seemed to be all for the whole "killing" thing(But we all know he's going to get through this. All thanks to my spoiler from earlier). So that was it. The trolls were in agreement. "Execute the beast!!!" they all chanted. And each time they said it, the more terrified the Mayhnohtawr became. All of a sudden, one troll stood out from the top of the crowd and belted out a command. "BRING OUT THE DESTROYER AND THE FORGE!!!" I had no idea what he was talking about. But then I looked to the Mayhnohtawr. His eyes were wide open and his jaw was hanging. Something told me he knew exactly what he was talking about. Then it seemed as if he muttered one word.... "Papa?"

Until next time,
Christopher DeLaPaz I.S.D out

The Cave

So we were there standing in front of the dark mouth that lead into the bowels of this foul planet. Why do trolls have to live in such creepy places? "We must travel deep if we wish to get to the troll capitol." the Mayhnohtawr grumbled. I assume he's not happy that I'm forcing him to face the creatures that made him an endangered species. I feel bad. I'd go it alone if I knew the way. I tried to make him feel better " Suck it up, Pansy. You get me through this and I can leave you and this dead rock." I think that helped. We began our journey into the abyss. It must have been days travel in the void of the cave. We trekked through dark corner after dark corner. It seemed as the deeper we went in the absence of good increased more and more. I was becoming agitated. It felt as though the darkness was weighing heavier and heavier on our shoulders. That could only mean one thing. We were being followed. After a while, I was unsure if the Mayhnohtawr actually knew where he was going. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. "Where are we going, you moron?!?!" I exploded. "Shhhh" The Mayhnotawr snapped back at me. " We have to lose them before they make their move." I hate it when I'm right. "How many of them are there?" I asked him, trying to play it cool. He takes a big whiff in and responds " About 86." he takes another whiff " And another 347 are on there way." It's crazy. I knew we were being followed, but god damn. These trolls really now how to not be noticed. Bunch of cowards. I smiled to my bullfreak friend "Well Bessy. Looks like these trolls are throwing a party and we're the guests of honor." "What do we do Mr. I.S.D?" the Mayhnohtawr's voice was beginning to quiver. "Play it by the book, my friend." My palms were beginning to sweat " And try our best to survive." We stopped moving forward. "What're you doing?....." the Mayhnohtawr began to ask me. But before he could begin to panic even more I turned around and looked deep into the darkness" Alright assclowns! We know you're there and we're ready for ya! Now come on and I may let you live if you give me what I want!" At this point, I remembered that I have no weapon or armor of any kind to help me out of this pickle. But it's not like they knew that. Suddenly, a voice echoed from the darkness. "Give up I.S.D!!! We know you're unarmed. Now surrender or we'll kill you and that spinelss oaf." How could they know unarmed. "We have your space cruiser, your sidearm, and the Fembot." Crap. That's how they know. Well shit. Hmmm. Okay. Give me another blog entry and I'll figure a way out of this.

Until next time:
Christopher DeLaPaz I.S.D out.

Two and a half blog entries my ass.

Mothers Day Special

We interupt this blog to bring you the following video: Love you mom.

Tune in next Wednesday for The Cave. Maybe Michibot will be down there.